CHAPTER III
I have to stop myself from running straight to the library after my last class of the day. Food first, or you’ll pass out, I remind myself. For spirits’ sake, I’m starting to sound like Signora Kolyra. I force myself to take my time in the dining hall, reading a book for class while I eat. I’m not paying any attention to what I’m eating. Food seems to have lost its taste to me these past few months. I finish the book (I’m already ahead on readings anyway), drop off my dishes, and head out into the cold so I can go to the one place where I feel even remotely at home.
Thankfully, my favorite spot is free when I arrive. It would be childish to feel as though it’s “my” spot, but a small part of me is always relieved when I see that it’s open. I think it’s a bit colder than the rest of the building—perhaps that’s why not many people venture into the little alcove. I settle down and pull out a battered notebook. I might as well get started with my assignments while I wait to check the archives. If I look through them every day, I know at some point people will start to get suspicious. No student could possibly be doing research projects constantly for the whole year. “Research” isn’t even the right word for what I’m doing.
No, I’m not researching.
I get absorbed in writing up my thoughts on the book I had just finished at dinner, and soon, I’ve filled pages with my thoughts and my hand aches. I look up and survey the room. Thankfully it seems to have emptied out a bit. Now’s my chance. I try to walk very casually, and try not to seem too eager. I likely fail at both, but that’s exactly why I try to leave this task for when there are far fewer people around to witness it. I finally make it to the entrance of the archive room and pull out my library resource card. The mechanical time clock stamps a new entry onto the paper, and I pass through. I head straight to the local newspaper archive—it’s where I left off last night.
I’m not researching—I’m investigating. I’m unraveling the threads of mystery and clawing my way through articles, newspapers, and even train schedules to find out the truth.
The facts are these: Leo and I were supposed to meet at the Volta Sonis train station at twilight two months ago. We had carefully planned every aspect of our trip, and the day before our journey, we spent the whole day together. But he never met me at the train station.
Leo Barchiel disappeared on the last day of Windspell. Except, I know him, and I was all he had. I know he wouldn’t just leave me.
He wouldn’t. He would never leave me to start University all alone. He had a job lined up at a local bakery, and we were going to spend every day together.
Something happened to Leo that night. I just have to figure out what. Where are you, Leo? I grab the paper I left off with last night, and sit down at the cramped table to start reading.
— ✦ —
I’m exhausted throughout the next day, but mostly because of my fruitless endeavors the night before, as opposed to a lack of sleep.
“Hey Dawn,” Rayley greets me as I sit down at the dinner table.
“Hello,” I say.
“So, I’m curious,” Rayley begins dramatically. This instantly makes me freeze, and my mind jumps to a state of panic. But Rayley seems to notice my fear, and quickly continues. “It’s nothing serious. I was just wondering if you had any book recommendations. Like, something for people who don’t usually read that much.”
I audibly breathe a small sigh of relief. Book recommendations are something I can handle.
“Is there a specific genre you’ve enjoyed in the past?”
Rayley thinks for a moment. “I think I liked detective stories, and mysteries. But I’ll read anything fiction. I need to get away from all this science and math, for my own sanity.”
“Bloodhouse by the sociologist Barty Edwin Hedgeclips is a really exciting read. I read it last year and it was really interesting. The library might have it.”
“Sounds good, thanks. I’ll definitely check it out. I feel like I really need a break from my coursework, honestly. Could be fun to engage with something totally different.”
I hazard a question. “Has your course been particularly difficult lately?”
“Sort of…” Rayley pauses, clearly thinking it over. “It’s just weird. Like I know I want to go into this field, it’s my passion and I love it and I know it’s what I’m here to do. But something just feels…off about it, somehow. Like there’s something small that’s not quite right. It just makes it hard to put 110% in when it feels like there’s something wrong about the whole thing.”
I don’t really know how to respond to this, so I just nod and hope that Rayley doesn’t feel offended by my lack of reaction.
“Oh, shoot, gotta go. Robotics meeting,” Rayley says apologetically, and hastily collects their dishes. I had no idea that this university even had a robotics society, but then again, I haven’t really been paying attention to anything around me, so that’s not surprising. I idly wonder how much I’ve missed since I got here.
— ✦ —
We’re sitting on the couch, him and I. I’m miserable, and he’s running his fingers through my hair.
“I know I’m not exactly fun to be around right now,” I mumble.
“I’ll always be here for you, Dawn. I’m not leaving you,” he says lightheartedly.
“Even if I’m wearing a mask? Even if I’m not being truthful?”
He waits for a second before he starts speaking, slowly. Intentionally. “I will peel back every mask you wear and find the core of you, even if you’ve spent your entire life trying to hide it. I know that you are not empty. You can’t be—you’re so full of light and life. Whatever mask you present, whatever is at your core, I still love you. I don’t need you to pretend and I don’t need you to be gentle. I’m not asking anything of you. Whatever you are, I’ll be here, Dawn.”
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life searching for the core of you too, then,” I say, smiling.
“What if you don’t like what you find?”
“That won’t happen. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me hate you. Not ever,” I protest.
“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” he says quietly, and then he’s kissing me, and I don’t even remember why I was upset in the first place. How could I ever be upset if Leo is with me?
— ✦ —
I wake up with a start in the library, with no idea how I got there. I feel like absolute shit—my head is pounding and I feel like I didn’t get any sleep at all. What the hell happened? I notice movement in the corner of my eye, and I look up to see my wonderful friend Lord Ellison drifting over to me. “Finally awake, I see. You were in a daze when you got here. You collapsed into that chair and slept quite fitfully. I suppose it was a bad night?”
I didn’t go to the library last night, though. Not purposefully. I would have remembered it. Oh, for spirits’… “Was I sleepwalking?” I finish my thought aloud.
“Possibly, possibly. You didn’t look like you came here to check out a book, at any rate. You kept talking, too. Something about masks, and searching for someone.”
Great. So now I’m still looking for him even when I’m unconscious.
My thoughts are troubled for the rest of the day. Salia asks me a question at dinner and I mumble a response, not even sure what I’m agreeing to.
What should I do? I need to try harder, but how? I need to find him.
I have to find him.
