I take a deep breath before walking into the crowded tavern. It’s busy, but I easily spot who I’m looking for. He’s sitting with Captain Nyala and Lieutenant Sylas. They’re talking and laughing, seeming unconcerned. I feel a stab of guilt wind through me. I don’t want to be the one to have to tell him, but if I don’t, then no one else will.
I have to tell him. I can’t keep this from him. I walk up to the table quickly before my resolve dissipates.
“Ari. I need to talk to you.” I say without preamble. The captain and Leo are looking at me in surprise, confused by why I’m there and why I’m asking to talk to Ari. I ignore both of them. Ari jumps out of his seat, grabs my arm, and pulls me into a dim corner.
“You can’t be here. We can’t be seen talking like this. We’re supposed to be enemies, remember?” He half-whispers furiously.
“Obviously I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.” I try to keep my tone as even as possible. Calm. Steady.
“What could be so important that you couldn’t just send a letter?”
“It’s Jexa,” I say, stopping to take a breath after those two words. I need to keep it together. Just a few more minutes, I just need to hold it together for a few more minutes. He freezes. His expression turns from annoyed to worried in a second. I hesitate before continuing, wondering how to phrase this. There isn’t a good way to say it. I’m still barely able to think clearly, trying to hide my shaking hands.
“He’s dead, Ari.” The words come out as barely a whisper, like somehow if I don’t fully form them, it won’t be true.
Seconds pass. They’re agonizing, each one stretching out like hours.
“No. No. No, he’s not.” Ari shakes his head.
“It happened this morning. I’m sorry.” I say quietly.
“Not only are you a traitor, but you’re a fucking liar too. I was talking with him yesterday. Do you know what we talked about? His graduation. He’s graduating with a degree in electrical engineering and he’s in the top ten of his class. He can’t be…” He stops. I can hear his breaths become uneven, the struggle for air.
It sounds like he’s drowning.
Right now, I almost wish I had never found out, so I would never have to see Ari look like this.
I glance away, momentarily looking at the opposite wall, but everything is blurry.
“Listen, if you want to talk—” I don’t even get through half my sentence before he cuts me off.
“Just go away, Jesova.” He looks down, making it clear that our conversation is over. I’m tempted to put my hand on his shoulder, a reassuring gesture, but it feels wrong. That’s something Jexa would have done.
“For what it’s worth, I really am sorry,” I say, and turn without waiting to see if he responds.
